when I was a child, I talked like a child…

I was 14 when I was saved. Before then I hadn’t known I was lost, really. I grew up in the Bible Belt without a Bible of my own, without a church, without the faith like a child that Jesus was so keen on. But when I was 14 I asked Christ to come into my heart. I had made a friend who was a fervent believer, who talked to me about God, who introduced me to irresistible grace. I asked so many questions: How can so many people who believe other things be wrong? What about the Indians and the Greeks who believed in all these little gods that possess things? He gave me a Bible and I devoured it as I always have books, and one night on the phone I couldn’t resist anymore.

What I said was, “I don’t want to be a goat.”

…I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child…

I had gotten that from the passage in Matthew 25 where Jesus talks about the judgment day. “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.” He continues, explaining that those who have clothed him when he was naked, fed him when he was hungry, and visited him when he was in prison (though they didn’t know it was him) are the sheep, and he will draw them to his side. “Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.” But the goats, the ones who turned away from him all those years, the goats he will send away to eternal punishment.

And I did NOT want to be a goat.

…When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me…

But here I am a decade later and hindsight is a bitch. Because I hear that statement and think of what depths of insecurity in myself it came from. I was a goat in a lot of ways: at school I was not the popular one, I was not the fastest swimmer, I was not a cheerleader, I wasn’t a pageant queen. I wanted desperately to fit in. And the way I turned to Jesus speaks of that. The cry of my heart was to belong, and here He was telling me I could, that I could come to him, and serve him, and I wouldn’t have to be a goat. And so I grasped it with everything in me.

I’m not saying that I don’t think my salvation was real–I was thoughtful enough even then that I didn’t make decisions lightly, and I can’t say that the happiness and lightness I felt in the days after my profession of faith didn’t speak of something stirring in my soul. But it strikes me that my confession was of a negative bent. I didn’t say I wanted to be a sheep; I said I didn’t want to be a goat.

…For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror…

image from Tanya K. via Flickr Creative Commons

It makes me sad to think about how badly I did not want to be a goat. In the decade that has passed I have embraced my goat-dom. I am so much less self-conscious than I was even in college, and I like myself a lot more. I am who I am, and I am that person for a reason.

But I wonder if some of what I’m struggling with regarding my faith right now is the fact that I came to it out of a place of insecurity. I’ve never wanted to be a goat, so maybe I have never explored what it means to be a sheep. To be a sheep instead of just not a goat. It’s as if what I needed from God at the time (to make me not a goat) is irrelevant now that I am a bit more mature, and I’m struggling to find what is relevant. I don’t worry that I’m a goat anymore, and so it almost feels like I don’t need God.

…then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

I want to believe in God. I want to be compelled by His story of grace and forgiveness and I want to be a sheep. But since all I’ve ever wanted is not to be a goat, I don’t know what that looks like.

Someday maybe I will.

1 Corinthians 13:11-12

Well, we had our big fundraising event for work on Saturday and I am duly worn out. It’s always crazy when your months of work all come together and then in a flash the whole thing is over! We ate Chick fil A for dinner on Friday because I just couldn’t face anything else. Anyway, I tried to keep this week’s menu really simple in order to let myself just be worn out. And it doesn’t hurt that we have some people coming into town and will be eating out some! I’m going up to visit my parents next weekend, so I also picked a few simple, simple recipes to leave for Andy.

Sunday
sweet potatoes with bacon (never did make them last week!)
cornbread
broccoli

Monday
slow-cooker pasta fagioli soup (I just checked the cupboard and realized that the rotini I have is “vegetable” and thus is green, soooo, this might be an interesting looking soup!)

Tuesday
Andy has an acquaintance from England coming into town, so we are going to introduce him to some good ole Southern barbecue (which I will not be cooking, hah.)

Wednesday
out with my dad, who is in town for a symposium

Thursday
Southwestern sausage quiche (I have browned sausage in the freezer from the last time I made this–perfect!)
some sort of frozen vegetable

Friday
I’m gone, so I’m going to leave Andy some meat sauce (browned ground beef with a jar of pasta sauce) for spaghetti, and there are plenty of frozen vegetables in the freezer.

Saturday
Forgotten Chicken (This is a really easy and delicious recipe–you just have to make sure you start cooking it before you are hungry, because it has to bake for an hour and a half!)

Sunday
(I went ahead and planned for this night because my flight gets in at 6:20, so I’ll want to know what’s for dinner.)
oven-roasted sausages, potatoes, and peppers (I’ll get Andy to peel and dice the potatoes before I get home. ;-))

What’s on your plate this week?

I’m linking up with Organizing Junkie’s Monday Menu Plan!

There’s a Miranda Lambert song that came out recently that I think has a really good message:

Ever since the beginning to keep the world spinning / It takes all kinds of kinds.

I try to think of that line when I’m feeling frustrated with someone. It sounds sort of like a Dr. Seuss story: short kinds, tall kinds, red kinds, blue kinds. But I really do think there’s truth to it. If everyone were exactly like me, a lot of adventures would go un-taken. And if no one were like me, a lot of shelves would go un-organized. It takes dreamers and doers, active folks, serene people, enthusiastic, slow-and-steady….it takes all of us. So I try not to be one of those she sings about who points the finger.

…but man, sometimes it is tempting…

When I was growing up, I’m not sure when, my mom “trained” me to pack my own lunch. I took virtually the same lunch to school every single day of middle school and the first two years of high school. I literally don’t think I could have even told you how to buy a lunch from the cafeteria line because I never did it. Every lunch I packed contained a turkey sandwich. And by turkey sandwich, I mean two pieces of honey-wheat bread with three pieces of turkey (the Hillshire Farm kind that came in the red cardboard box) and a slice of cheese. My mom told me that if I put mayonnaise on my sandwich I had to take an ice pack so that it wouldn’t spoil, and since it was “cooler” to bring your lunch in a plastic grocery bag than in a lunchbox, an ice pack was out of the question. So, I skipped the mayonnaise. I would make my lunch in the kitchen. In the winters our cat Clemmie and I would jostle over who got to stand over the warm vent in the corner. And the cats learned to congregate while I made the sandwich because they almost always would get lucky enough to receive a sliver of the turkey.

image from Flickr Creative Commons; photo credit daBinsi

On Saturdays, my dad and I always had “special time,” and some weeks that meant we would go to Subway and pick up cold cut combo sandwichs to take to the playground and have a picnic. In those days they had a small round sandwich that was the kids meal and I loved the squishy bread! I ate Subway a lot in college, too, so those subs hold a somewhat special place in my heart.

My sandwich palette has matured since those days (I’m not sure just meat and cheese would satisfy anymore), but I do still love a turkey sandwich. If I’m on a trip and eating out a lot, or in a foreign country, or entertaining visitors and eating a lot of rich foods, my stomach starts to crave a simple sandwich. My favorite is when a restaurant has the shredded iceberg lettuce rather than a leaf, and I enjoy “fancy” mayonnaise as well (pesto aioli, for example).

On days when there aren’t leftovers to pack, I’ll still make a sandwich for my lunch, but there’s something about getting a “real” sandwich from a restaurant or deli that is much more satisfying. I don’t tend to keep enough yummy ingredients on hand to make it prefect, and it seems like too much effort to buy a lot of stuff just to make a sandwich, so I prefer getting it out if I’m to eat a sandwich. I like Italian subs and the occasional chicken salad sandwich, but turkey is, as they say, my bread and butter. Mississippi, for whatever reason, was rich with sandwich shops, and I frequented several: McAllister’s and Sweet Pepper’s Deli in Columbus and Starkville were favorites. (My dad and I used to go to Quizno’s sometimes, but as a kid I HATED crusty bread, so the toasting didn’t really work for me. I think I’d be into it now, though.) In Birmingham, Newk’s and Roly Poly satisfied my craving. Atlanta seems to do chicken salad really well (Cafe at Pharr! Rising Roll! Sophies!), but I don’t know that I’ve found a good equivalent to those spots for a more basic sandwich. Alhough, I had my first Jimmy Johns delivery at work last week (freaky fast!) and it just may be a contender. I need to try out Goldberg’s, too!

I love Southern comfort foods as much as the next girl, and I have other foods that feel like home, but the turkey sandwich is an important part of my food repertoire.

What food is your happy place? Do you crave any seemingly mundane foods when you’re off your routine for awhile?

This week might get a little crazy for me, as one of our biggest fundraisers where I work is coming up next Saturday. So there might be some late evenings or, even if not late, just tiring, hectic days. Thankfully we have plans to eat out at least one night, and I’m keeping it pretty simple otherwise! There’s a Mega Event at Kroger this week, which always makes the grocery shopping fun, and I’ve planned a couple of meals around things I can pick up really inexpensively (along with planning based on what I have at home already, of course).

Sunday
leftover slow-cooker navy beans and ham
cornbread (also known as the entire reason I wanted a cast-iron skillet)
salad (I made a big one Saturday night but didn’t dress it so we could eat some another day!)

Monday
baked chili dogs
(Gwaltney Chicken Dogs were on sale at Kroger for $1.00, and Hormel Chili was in the Mega Event + had a coupon.)
napa cabbage salad
(One of the moms of someone on my swim team used to make this for every swim team potluck and it is SO GOOD.)

Tuesday
spinach ravioli (snagged on sale last week) with mushrooms
broccoli

Wednesday
Andy has plans to eat out with a friend, so I’ll wing it and have leftovers or soup and a sandwich.

Thursday
out with a friend from out-of-town

Friday
cinnamon-bacon sweet potatoes (recipe courtesy of our CSA farmer):

-1# sweet potatoes, sliced (try to keep the slices the same size, about ⅛-1/4 inch)
-1 onion, sliced
-4-6 pieces of bacon, diced
-½-1 teaspoon cinnamon
-sprinkle of salt
-2 large pieces of aluminum foil

Turn on your grill, or pre-heat oven to 425. Sprinkle a couple pieces of bacon on the foil. This will help the sweet potatoes from sticking.
Place sweet potatoes on top and spread out evenly. Place onions on top of the sweet potatoes. Sprinkle with cinnamon, salt, and add the rest of your bacon on top.
Slightly curl up the sides of the foil, place a smaller piece of foil on top, then lock in all the sides around the foil. Place on top rack of grill or in oven and let cook for about 25-30 minutes or until they are cooked completely through and soft. Enjoy!

various veggies on the side

Saturday
This is the big day as far as my event goes, so Andy may just be on his own! I’ll have to see what all is left from the week so I can leave him something, at least.

I’m linking up with Organizing Junkie’s Monday Menu Plan!