I had a much-needed slow and lazy weekend! It involved sleeping in, getting a massage, starting a new book, and watching six episodes of The Vampire Diaries. We’ve got some socializing planned for this week, but otherwise a nice, normal menu plan.

Sunday vegetable pot pie (I didn’t make it last week as planned. I had a rough day at work and we got takeout one night, so I was left with an “extra” meal from last week’s plan. I deviated from the recipe and used a frozen pie crust on the top because a) I was feeling lazy, b) I wasn’t sure we had enough milk and c) I didn’t know what else I was going to do with the pie crust. It was really tasty, but I think the fluffy biscuit would have made it even more delicious and filling!) kale-apple salad

Monday dinner out with friends - woo hoo!

Tuesday spicy sausage skillet (with bowtie pasta because that’s what I have) frozen mixed vegetables

Wednesday Asian beef strips frozen dumplings frozen “Asian blend” steamfresh veggies

Thursday book club! I’m planning to make these “easy Thai-style green beans,” if I can find some green beans that don’t look bleh like the ones at Kroger did today. Andy will be home and can eat gumbo from the freezer over rice.

Friday mushroom grilled cheese potato-leek soup (storebought)

Saturday We’re having some people over for what I’ve dubbed, “It’s Fall, Y’all,” which is really my excuse to break out the pumpkin and drink pumpkin beer!

On the menu - roasted pumpkin seeds; cheese and crackers; crockpot turkey white bean pumpkin chili; pumpkin cornbread; pumpkin ice cream from Whole Foods, and whatever our guests decide to bring! What’s on your plate this week?

I’m linking up with Organizing Junkie’s Monday Menu Plan!

I have made church my faith. I have replaced having a relationship with God with being involved. I have thrown myself into youth groups and Bible studies and volunteer jobs… …and it has broken me.

Somewhere in the midst of being at church every time the doors were open and raising my hand every time they asked, I’ve lost something. I have been so enamored with God’s people that I stopped talking to Him.

It’s been a slow process of getting to this place. When I first came to Christ in high school, His people welcomed me and cocooned me through the tumultuous late high school years. I came to His house and I found Love, and I found people who became like family to me. We sang together and prayed together and I felt Him near.

Everywhere I went this proved to be the case, and I fell in love with it. The people made church for me. When doctrinal questions came up, grey areas where I wasn’t sure I liked my church’s answer, I consoled myself with the thought that surely the people I loved didn’t believe that, and I overlooked it.

But as I got to know the ins and outs of a church by serving as a regular volunteer, I saw the nastier underbelly of how church works, and it broke the spell. Suddenly theology wasn’t just some words in a church membership manual. It was on the ground, and the particular theology I saw was hurting people. I sat in church Sunday after Sunday and felt empty. I didn’t feel God the way I used to. In between Sundays I barely thought of Him at all.

I know all the right words to say, and I told my small group I was wrestling with my faith, but in reality I wasn’t wrestling at all. I was breaking myself away from the church, subtly and slowly. I couldn’t sit there anymore.

So now I am in the wilderness. I believe that we were created to be in community, but right now I’m not looking for a community. I’ve had the community, and I know I still have it if I want it. But I’m too susceptible to group-think, too liable to get caught back up in the rush of doing. I’m looking for capital-t Truth and I feel like I need to figure it out alone right now.

On Sunday I visited a new church, and the pastor said all the right things in her prayer and in her sermon. In short order she addressed every social value I hold dear that I’d been questioning in other churches, and she espoused the side I’m on. The music felt comfortable to me, and five people introduced themselves to me after the service.

It would be so easy to dive right in, but I don’t think that’s the answer for me right now.

For now I’m clinging to this: There’s a God out there, and I believe that He is Love. I can live that out the best I know how, and I hope one day, I will again look beside me and encounter Him there. But I have made church my faith and it’s not working anymore.

I’m back in the menu plan saddle! We have our CSA box getting dropped off this week, so I’m not sure yet what our produce situation will be. I’ve left the side items in my menu plan vague or non-existent in hopes that we’ll get some good stuff. :-) I think greens season is upon us, so I’ll have to figure out ways to cook those that we both like…

Sunday leftovers! Despite the lack of a plan last week, I ended up cooking a lot, so we have a lot to choose from: burritos, southwestern sausage quiche, beef tips over egg noodles….yum! I need to make room in the fridge before I can go grocery shopping!

Monday Lipton noodle soup (about to expire from our emergency food supply, so need to eat it…plus it’s a guilty pleasure comfort food of mine!) cheese and crackers (bought some delicious herbed soft cheese on Manager’s Special yesterday.) salad

Tuesday pizza quesadillas with kale and homemade marinara fruit

Wednesday green onion pork burgers sauteed cabbage

Thursday crockpot Hawaiian barbecue chicken on Hawaiian rolls (I see what I did there.)

Friday vegetable pot pie

Saturday baked club pinwheels using pimento cheese (!!!) chips (I bought several bags in Kroger’s last Mega Event.)

What’s on your plate this week?

I’m linking up with Organizing Junkie’s Monday Menu Plan!

Well, I did something stupid last week: I got a new program on my computer to protect it in case it was ever stolen, and then I forgot the password to it. Meaning, I cannot access my computer. Thus, the radio (er, blog) silence. I got frustrated, and then I cried, and I still keep thinking maybe I will remember it.

But you know what? (Here comes the heavy part.) On that same day, I found out that an old friend of mine had committed suicide. And all of a sudden I wasn’t upset over my computer anymore.

I had not been in touch with this friend for several years, so his death does not affect my day-to-day life as it does for his wife, son, closer friends, and family. But it is so, so sad to know that someone you once cared about a lot got to a place where he didn’t feel like life was worth living anymore.

As I’ve processed the news of his loss, all kinds of cliche things have happened:

• For the first time in awhile, if I'm honest, I've been thinking about God. I've been feeling burned out on church and have been changing the radio dial away from the Christian music station, but it's all I've wanted to listen to this week.
• I have a desire to live my life well. I have no idea what, exactly, that means. But my friend was such a vibrant, enthusiastic, loyal person, and it's as if I want to fill some void in the world by being better. By living well.
• And, as I stated, it put things in perspective. I may not be able to get into my computer. So what. Though frustrating, it's not a tragedy. Losing a young person who had a lot to offer the world is a tragedy.

My computer has been restored from a backup, and I typed this post on another laptop we have. I am fine, my husband is fine, we have friends, we have a home…my life is fine.

Life is not fine right now for my friend’s wife. I cannot even fathom the depths of her pain, and that of his brothers, parents, and grandparents (who he lived next door to while he was growing up). Not to mention his friends and his church family. It’s interesting experiencing a loss in this Facebook era and seeing the outpouring of stories and emotions from people I’ve never known. We’re brought together in mutual sadness, and it’s a place to share information and memories and let some of the grief out. He was loved by a lot of people, and I don’t doubt, knowing his fierce heart, that he loved them back. And we will likely never know what inner demons drove him to make the choice he did.

Please, live well. Tell someone today that you love them. Tell the people you love that you love them, everyday. There can be no regret in that.

I went through a phase a few months ago where I got it into my head that I was going to become a fashion maven. Well, maybe not a maven, but I definitely tried to revamp my wardrobe, and I’ve been trying to be more conscious about putting together “outfits” rather than just wearing clothes.

Well, more often than not none of this happens. My wardrobe revamp that I was so gung-ho about fell flat, and many days I still just wear a pair of jeans and a simple top to work. (Yes, I can wear jeans for work–so nice!) But I follow a “fashion blog” called Putting Me Together (I put “fashion blog” in quotes because Audrey seems like such a normal person, and her outfits are extremely wearable, not like some of the high what I truly consider “fashion” out there.), and she’s hosting a link-up today featuring “one piece, many ways.” So, inspired by all of this, I decided to play around with this sequined tank top that I bought on clearance at Kohl’s last summer and haven’t worn very much.

Lemme tell you, posing for these pictures (in front of our blah white blinds) felt super awkward! I hate my hair and my face in them, and the lack of natural light is less than ideal, but we had just gotten back from a backpacking trip and I wanted to get this post up, so such is life.

Outfit #1

Date Night/Girls’ Night Out

I have been loving these white jeans this summer! I’d been wanting some white pants for awhile and I found these on clearance at Old Navy–score! In fact, I’m really wishing I had gotten to actually wear this outfit this summer, but now White Pants Season is officially over. Sniffle! I think everyone needs a pair of nude flats, and these bargains from Payless have served me well.

Outfit #2

Casual Friday/Weekend Wear

So, on the screen I’m not loving this outfit. Those jeans look too short with my black patent peep-toe wedges, but unfortunately I wear that combo all the time! I do like the coral with the turquoise, though, and I swear by these dark Gap Long and Lean jeans.

Outfit #3

Work Days So sue me, I really love cardigans! And these Naturalizer black pumps are a staple in my work wardrobe (although they felt terrible on my blistered post-camping trip feet!).

Even though the experience of taking these photos was a little weird, hopefully the exercise will help inspire me to get a little more creative with my everyday outfits!

How would you re-mix this sequined tank? Do you find yourself falling into any fashion ruts?

I'm linking up with One Piece, Many Ways on Putting Me Together!