Vulnerability Fatigue

This year I’m trying to have fun.

I’ve written about this before, about learning to rest and about “shirking the duty-driven life.” But it’s clearly not a message that has truly gotten through to my psyche.

Last year my “one word” for the year was “delve.” (I can’t find that I ever blogged about it, but it was my word in my head, at any rate.)

Delve: “to reach inside a receptacle and search for something.”

I maybe didn’t buy into the one-word process as much as some bloggers, but I did think about it as I talked with my women’s small group and as I wrote here on this blog. I started thinking about my faith in some hard ways, and I thought about who I was and what I want to do with my life. (I didn’t come to any conclusions, for what it’s worth.)

But I just finished reading Daring Greatly by Brene Brown, and I realized something: I’m tired of delving. I’m tired of being vulnerable and over-sharing and wondering what my basis in life is. I really just want to have fun.

And what’s so wrong with that? As I sat and had an emotional breakdown over Brown’s section on perfectionism, it dawned on me that no one other than myself was judging me if my kitchen wasn’t clean. The vast majority of the arbitrary strictures I put on my life are just that: arbitrary and self-imposed. And something just snapped and I decided I wanted to make the fun choice.

To look at the dirty dishes and decide that it is valid not to wash them just now simply because I don’t want to.

To go for a long walk in a new place where I don’t exactly know where to park just because I need to feel the dirt under my feet and look up and see trees.

To pick up takeout instead of cooking dinner.

To stay up just a little too late reading.

I’m not less of a woman or a worse wife if I let myself choose the fun sometimes.

So I’m trying to do that this year. I trust that my hyper-organized, self-critical personality will not let me take this too far and go off the rails, but maybe that would be okay once in awhile too. I’ve never really gone off the rails. Heck, I’ve practically BUILT the rails.

And this year I just want to have fun.

Menu Plan: February 2-8

I felt SO uninspired this week when I was making my menu plan and grocery list! The only thing that popped into my head was that I was in the mood to have chili one night. I also wanted something festive to eat while watching the Super Bowl but I didn’t want to expend much effort as it feels like I’ve been cleaning the kitchen every time I turn around lately. My mental inventory of the freezer and pantry turned up a few things, so that helped. Some meal planners suggest making a list of meals that are not necessarily assigned to a night, and although I arbitrarily listed these for certain days I’m feeling like whims might take over. I don’t know–Andy’s been out of town for a week, plus I was home for a couple of days due to the snowpocalypse that hit Atlanta, so somehow I was just feeling like I couldn’t imagine planning dinners for a normal week! Anyway, here’s what I came up with:

SUNDAY
I found some all-natural hot dogs on Manager’s Special at Kroger, along with a chef salad kit marked down to $1.59. I picked up some buns and some frozen waffle fries, and voila! My festive Super Bowl meal for one.

MONDAY
Chili night!
(along with the requisite crackers, cheese, etc for topping)
roasted broccoli

TUESDAY
????
Maybe we will go to trivia and eat there.

WEDNESDAY
artichoke chicken skillet over quinoa
My book club last week was canceled, so I conveniently have everything on hand to make this.

THURSDAY
I’m going to attempt some variation of bulgogi beef hot pot. One of the things I bought in my end-of-the-month Trader Joe’s splurge was some marinated bulgogi beef short ribs. I picked up some rice noodles, mushrooms, and cabbage. It sort of seems like a “how bad could it be?” kind of dish, but I guess we’ll find out!

FRIDAY
baked cheddar eggs and potatoes

SATURDAY
I’m hanging out with a newly-moved-to-town friend during the day and hoping it will morph into dinner, or at least picking up some takeout.

I feel good about the few recipes I picked, but geez! It was pulling teeth this week. I barely even used any coupons.

How do you plan around dinner-cooking ruts? What’s on your plate this week?

I’m linking up with Organizing Junkie’s Monday Menu Plan!

Food Bank Best Practices

I’ve seen an article drifting around the internets about “ten things food banks need but won’t ask for.” (Read it here.) A few people have asked me what I think of it, and given that I manage a food pantry that distributes 1,000+ bags of groceries every month, I feel pretty qualified to comment on it. Here’s the list, in abbreviated form:

  1. spices
  2. feminine products
  3. chocolate
  4. toiletries
  5. canned meats and jerky
  6. crackers and tortillas
  7. baby toiletries
  8. soup packets
  9. socks
  10. canned fruit other than pineapple

Now, every food bank is different. So my ultimate advice is to call the place you’re wanting to donate to and ASK what they need and want the most. We LOVE being asked what we need. Where I work, we have a list that was created a few years back by a nutritionist, and it’s what we go by when we pack grocery bags. It’s family-size specific, and our goal is to provide enough staples for your given family size to feed you for a week, with only a few holes to fill in yourself at the grocery store. Most of our clients receive food stamps, so they are able to buy some things–usually just not enough to last the month. Our bags include oatmeal/grits, cornbread mix, peanut butter and jelly, rice, macaroni and cheese, spaghetti, pasta sauce, dry beans, soup, canned vegetables, Ramen noodles, and tuna. We also give out 1-lb tubes of ground beef, one of the only pantries in our area to do so. We rely on donations from individuals and from our network of supporting churches, but, at least where I work, we also spend a significant portion of our budget to stock the pantry. Since we give out such a specific set of items, it is really wonderful to get a call from someone saying, “My group wants to do a food drive. What do you need the most right now?” giving me the freedom as the food pantry manager to evaluate our inventory and say, “You know, we are really, really low on dry beans, and we’ll have to go buy some more soon, spending down our budget, if we don’t get some donated, so it would be really great if you could do a drive just for dry beans.”

Now obviously we are not going to turn anything away. That would be foolish. But think about it: if you use your child’s school’s food drive as an excuse to “clean out your pantry,” you’re likely to be giving away things that a) you didn’t want or b) are expired. And really, is that useful for anyone? That can of pickled beets you found in the back corner of the cabinet; the artichoke hearts that expired in 2011–those don’t feed families. And not all agencies can give out expired food. Most have a policy on how long after the date they can distribute them. For my agency, it’s not at all. As in, if it expired yesterday, we have to throw it away. One time a Girl Scout troop brought a bunch of food and then stayed to sort and shelve it. Part of the process for our pantry volunteers is to check the dates on items before they put them on the shelves, and one poor girl was MORTIFIED to discover that every single item her parents had packed in her bag was expired and couldn’t be shelved. Don’t do that to your kids. I appreciate your heart in wanting to donate, but think about the people on the receiving end!

So, back to the list. Specifically for where I work, here are my thoughts:

  1. spices
  2. We'll throw these into the bags if we have them, but not a necessity: we'd rather you give us pantry staples!
  3. feminine products
  4. Yes, yes, yes! If you're a woman, you've likely noticed how expensive these items are, and yet they are an absolute necessity. We give out hygiene kits when we have the items, and these are great to include.
  5. chocolate
  6. We're indifferent about this. Honestly, our goal is to fill hungry bellies, not to give them treats, so again, if it's a question of giving us chocolate or giving us rice, please choose the rice. However, sometimes a client lets us know that their daughter's birthday is coming up. In that case, we love being able to throw in a box of cake mix if we have it! We also put out snacks for our clients as they wait, so anything that could work there is appreciated: bakery cookies, granola bars, etc.
  7. toiletries
  8. Again, a hearty yes! We are unable to purchase toiletries as we do groceries, but it's wonderful to be able to give them out to people who need them, especially for our clients who are experiencing homelessness. In that case, sample sizes are the best. Toothbrushes, toothpaste, deodorant, shampoo and conditioner, bars of soap: all are wonderful. And another thing you might not think of: laundry detergent. If we get big boxes donated we separate it out into little baggies that are easy to carry.
  9. canned meats and jerky
  10. We give out canned meat (namely vienna sausages) in our snack bags for homeless men and women, so these won't go to waste. But please donate pop-top cans; if someone is eating canned meat as their protein it likely means they don't have a kitchen and therefore no can opener to get into it!
  11. crackers and tortillas
  12. Again, indifferent to this.
  13. baby toiletries
  14. Yes, please! Especially diapers and formula! Larger size diapers, too; many families end up with a surplus of the tiniest sized diapers because their baby doesn't wear them for long and donate those, but we need all sizes.
  15. soup packets
  16. We do give out soup, but the cans are best for our purposes.
  17. socks
  18. For us, we'd rather these go to our thrift store, but we do give out socks and underwear to anyone who receives a clothing voucher for free items, so this is good.
  19. canned fruit other than pineapple
  20. We only include canned fruit in our snack bags, so again, think pop top.

Three closing thoughts:
Many people think that donating the large family-sized containers of things is good. As I said, we won’t turn anything away, but many of our clients come on public transportation, and so we’re always trying to package their items in such a way that it will be easiest to carry back on the bus/train. So, the large peanut butters, while they may last longer, are too hard to carry! People can receive groceries from where I work 6 times in a year, 7 days apart, so the jar only has to last a week. Given that, we much prefer standard sizes.

From certain churches that donate, we seem to get a lot of canned tomatoes. And I mean, A LOT. This fits in with the spices and soup packet suggestion on the list above. I’m sure the thought is that canned tomatoes can be combined with the beans, rice, and ground beef to round out a meal. This is true, and a great thought. But we consider canned tomatoes a vegetable. So if it comes down to a can of green beans or a can of tomatoes, the green beans are much better in my book, because they can be a stand alone side. We put in a certain number of cans of vegetables for a given family size, and it’s best if the tomatoes can be an additional item, not one of the main vegetables. But if all we have is tomatoes then that’s what we have to give out. If you’re standing in the store debating purchasing corn or tomatoes for us, we’d rather you choose the corn. (Though if you can do both that’s fine!)

I also know that the specificity of our bags where I work is perhaps unusual. Some food banks probably operate on a more “we have what we have” basis. So my ultimate suggestion, again, is to throw all the lists out the window and just CALL before you donate. I promise, they will be as pleased as punch.

Menu Plan: January 26-February 1

Andy is out of town all week, and I’m going pretty strong with leftovers! I’ll cook a few things, but my grocery list is definitely lighter this week.

SUNDAY
leftover chicken noodle casserole (May I just say, this was pretty good, but I did NOT like the onions in it as in the original recipe. If I make it again I would probably saute them ahead of time so that they’re not as strongly flavored and there aren’t random crunchy bits throughout the soft casserole.)
broccoli
salad

MONDAY
cheesy chicken parm meatballs (that I never made last week) w/ fettucine
broccoli
(This will be great to have leftovers for lunches several days throughout the rest of the week.)

TUESDAY
leftover chicken avocado soup (the last of it)
chips and salsa (Wholly Salsa is on sale in Kroger’s Mega Event with a good coupon!)
cut-up pineapple

WEDNESDAY
free food at Rails Girls meetup

THURSDAY
Book club potluck! I’m making this chicken artichoke skillet and serving it over quinoa.

FRIDAY
oven-roasted sausage and potatoes with banana peppers (I have everything on hand except the potatoes!)
broccoli (Yeah, so, I bought a LOT of broccoli last week when it was on sale for $1.00/lb…)

SATURDAY
Annie Chun’s noodle bowl (on sale for $1.99, $0.50 off coupon…)
sandwich
(Can you tell I lost my mojo by this point? Who knows, maybe I’ll end up making fun plans with a friend instead!)

What’s on your plate this week?

I’m linking up with Organizing Junkie’s Monday Menu Plan!

Favorite Finds from Uncommon Goods

It’s no secret that I love flipping through catalogs, and Uncommon Goods is one of my favorites. I’ve ordered a few things from them: mostly gifts for other people, but our doormat is from them!

Uncommon Goods features unique items made by independent makers. They’re eco-conscious, and upon checkout you can choose from a few non-profits to have them make a donation to. And the stuff is just fun! And pretty! And whimsical! Some of it is pretty pricey, but that’s the tradeoff sometimes for choosing to support small enterprises.

Here are some of my favorite items from the most recent catalog I received:

I love having a nightlight in the bathroom so I don’t have the jarring sensation of needing to turn on the overhead lights in the middle of the night, and these are pretty to boot! I think I would pick the green one.

I’m not usually into bangles–I have trouble getting them over my hands, and they just hang so awkwardly on my wrist and get in the way. But I’ve been coming across this quote (“She believed she could, so she did.”) on the Internet a lot lately and I really like the sentiment, so I think I could put up with any bangle-awkwardness that was involved.

Okay, so this is pretty impractical, being that it only holds a single bottle of wine. But it’s so fun! Wine-o-saur.

I love a cute tea towel, and this one is actually about tea! I see what they did there. There are also coffee and cocktail varieties.

I don’t even use bar soap, but omg cute! The little wooden tray kills me. I like the rose best.

I don’t even like Shakespeare that much, but I like this sonnet art! I can’t even decide whether I like the seasons or the night and day the best! This falls into the “pricey” category, but it is beautiful.

What’s your favorite catalog to flip through?

I wasn’t perked or sponsored in any way by Uncommon Goods. I just like their stuff!