of only posting about my current life decision making, i must say that most of me feels very good about choosing to move to nyc to become a teaching fellow and teach high school english in the bronx……..however, i did just have a great last day of class with my college students (creative writing) and that’s got my brain thinking about how a lectureship would, in the end, be very fun. BUT i need to get out of this city. and home to ny. and i think i want to teach high school for a while, i can change later. basically, to choose not to teach college right now is not to give it up for life. and to choose to return to ny is … wonderful.

please. someone. make my life choices for me. i can’t deal with changing my mind every 3 seconds anymore!!!!

i never can tell which home i’m sick for anymore.

it’s occurred to me that i can move anywhere and do anything come april 25. if my couple of job options don’t come through, and i decide not to do nyctf, i can do anything. very literally anything. anywhere.

wow. that’s terrifying.

(any suggestions on where i should move? requirements include snow).

My next post will be cheerier, I think. I could use it–we all could. For a lot of reasons.

It’s official–I’m going to be staying in a cottage in Ireland for a month, thanks to a fellowship from my school (from a short essay contest). Now, I’ve only left the country once, when I was 8, for four hours, at Niagara Falls. I held an American and a Canadian coin on either side of the border, ate a burger, and bought some maple syrup. Travel is exciting.

In other words, I’m not certain there is a rest of the world. But here’s a photo tour of what the internet and I do know of Ireland (I swear this will be my last overly imagey post for a while; I just got excited once I figured out how to post things).

1) They have a very brightly colored flag.

2) Santa looks different there

3) Finian’s Rainbow is a pretty trippy movie.

4) I’m going to be in County Clare (on the little peninsula thing at the bottom of it). Or, as my father says, the side “closer to Dad” (as opposed to closer to England).

5) Kathy Ireland makes quality maternity wear.

6) Kathy Ireland is quality anytime wear.

7) The Irish are a beautiful and patriotic people.

So I’ve just finished one of a series of job applications and fellowship applications (I think there’s one left, but that one’s not to stressful). This one was the big money–the one through my university. I don’t expect to win it at all. But, just to illustrate the stress factor, winning it would allow my life to look something like this next year:

Otherwise, my life is slated to look a bit more like this:

Granted, he looks happy enough here, but that’s because Mickey and I are both troopers. Keep in mind that he’s about to start shivering, and eventually will end up like this:

The moral of all this? Every time I apply for a fellowship, Mickey cries.

Q: Just how stressed are you?

A: I woke up grinding my teeth after a dream in which I had to take 6th grade health again, despite being in 8th grade (and possibly 20). There was a lot of yelling. Then we may have watched the same scene of Rudy for the 257th time. Or this:

Ok, so my spring break has come and gone, and I am still living under a giant pile of work. And suddenly I realize just how close graduation is and how little I know about what my future will be. Since I’m feeling like the more conventional plans I’ve made are unlikely to work out at the moment, I think it’s time to think about going a bit off the beaten pack in order to realize in true dreams.So here are my options:

Do I join the roller derby?

Do I buy more spandex and some new breasts and become a pro wrestler?

Or do I really follow my dreams and become the princess of power?

Regardless of the path I choose, I feel certain there will be beautiful women in my future. And their ever so pointy elbows.

Makes me cry every time